🚨🎉 *BREAKING: Amazon's Newest Scheme* 🚨🎉 In a plot twist so juicy you’d think it’s from a Netflix drama, Amazon is diving headfirst into the world of blood draws and pee tests! 💉👀 That’s right, fam! Amazon has teamed up with Orange Health Labs to play doctor in six Indian cities! Because why should Jeff Bezos just watch you buy random cat toys when he can also poke you with needles? 🐱🛒💉 #Stonks The e-comm titan's throwing down a “trifecta of digital health” like a DJ at a rave. 🎧🕺 You’re sick? Who cares, just swipe right on your Prime app! “Pull the package to the right, and your blood comes out to the left!” – said NO DOCTOR EVER. 🤡🤖 Meanwhile, Orange Health’s CEO is probably like: "We just wanted to offer lab tests, not launch a full-blown health empire!" 💀🔬 Let’s just hope they don’t start selling kidney beans alongside the kidneys 🤔💰. Will they deliver your test results with a side of next-day air shipping? Because if that happens, I’ll just stick to WebMD and cope with my Google degree! 🙌 Hot take: One day soon, we’ll be getting our annual checkups via Alexa—because yelling “Alexa, am I dying?” is the new normal, no cap. 🚀🔥