🐴💨 Y’all, it’s time to STUDY the stonks 📈 because Amazon is about to cosmic-boost your small-town life 🚀! That’s right, Jeff Bezos officially decided that our rural friends deserve to get their *crate of 10,000 single-use plastic straws* on the same day they order them! 🙌💰 “Why should only city folk get all the fast stuff?” said a totally real & not made up Amazon developer, Chuck McDelivery 🍕. “We’re basically the FedEx of the 21st century, but with more memes and fewer delivery drivers! 😂” 🤖 Picture this: your small-town mailman sulking while you snag your beloved inflatable T-Rex costume on the SAME DAY you order it. 🦖💨 Meanwhile, small-town residents are living their best life while the urban peeps are still dealing with their “this is fine” coffee spills. ☕🔥 And you know what? By the year 2026, don’t be shocked if your Amazon package shows up on a jetpack 🛩️ or a self-driving potato—a classic “we don’t even care anymore” vibe! 🤡💀 So sit back, relax, and let’s all watch as Jeff Bezos raises his “I'm not even a little bit sorry” cape 🎭 and snipes the last bag of chips from your local 7-Eleven. Who needs local merchants when you have same-day delivery? #SendHelp #RIPSmallBusiness 😂 Hot take: Amazon will merge with the USPS, and it’ll just be Nacho Libre delivering your stuff on a bike. True story. 😝🔥