🚨🔥 Breaking News, Fam! Amazon’s turning healthcare into a Pay-Per-View sporting event!! 💰🤡 Amazon One Medical just dropped a new “Pay-Per-Visit” plan for your little future CEOs (ages 2-11) that’s about as exciting as waiting for your Twitch streamer to go live! 😵‍💫 🩺💔 Dear parents, forget health insurance; just throw a couple bucks at the screen and hope Dr. Jeff Bezos isn’t just chuckling maniacally in the background! Stonks? More like stonks but cancerous. 🤑💀 💬 Insider sources say *“Honestly, we just wanted to capitalize on EVERY possible way to monetize kids’ health! 😈 Can we even call this healthcare?"* 🤖👶 Kids can get a message-only visit for $29 or a video call for $49, which sounds like a steal until you realize that’s just a pizza delivery factor for crying out loud! 🍕📹 But wait, there’s more — you *don't even need Prime!* No cap, just flex that credit card harder than a dad lifting weights at the family BBQ! 💪🥵 In conclusion: Get ready for a dystopian future where your kid’s doctor is just an echoing sound of “Ka-ching!” 💥💥 Next, watch Amazon introduce “Pay-Per-Cough” for the flu season! 🤯🤯 *Prediction Alert:* In 2030, Amazon will be delivering prescriptions with drones powered by baby giggles. Watch out, Big Pharma! 💥🚀