🚨📦💰 BREAKING: Amazon just tossed a BILLION dollars like it’s a confetti cannon at a frat party! 🎉💃 Forget the days of “Can I get a raise?” - now they’re all like “STONKS GO UP! 📈” as average compensation for fulfillment peeps rockets to over $30/hour! 💵🔥 Imagine handing over a box of dreams and getting PAID for the privilege! 🤖✈️ Sources reveal that Jeff Bezos cranked up the “GOOD VIBES ONLY” machine and said, “We can afford this because we literally *print money* in our basements.” 🎩🏰💸 Gotta love the minting of cash while 2-hour delivery makes the rest of us feel like we’re still using dial-up! 🚀📶 🤡 This is fine. Just remember: "Welcome to the gig economy, where your paychecks get while-you-wait service!" 💀💀 Oh, and can we talk about how Amazon’s making pay raises sound like they’re handing out candy? 🍬💔 Meanwhile, gig workers are out here seething over their free-range hamster wheel jobs. 👀🐹 Unhinged prediction: Soon, fulfillment centers will have gold-plated offices, and Bezos will personally train workers to deliver boxes while riding hoverboards! 👽👑 What a time to be alive, huh? #FutureIsNow #SendHelp 🚨🚀🔥