💰✨**Breaking: Amazon’s Cash Cow is Moo-ving!** ✨💰 So your favorite online mega-mall just dropped its *Q2 Earnings Report* and folks, it’s looking like Amazon’s ad revenue is flexin' harder than your buddy at the gym trying to impress that one girl. 📈💪 We’re talking **$15.7 BILLION**—that’s a 23% glow-up from last year, and they’re *still* lower than expected. Stonks? More like *stonks that don’t know when to stop wheezing.* 🤡💀 But wait, there's MORE! Subscription services (aka the “give me all your money” section) reported a *modest* 12% increase, hitting **$12.2 BILLION!** 💸😤 But just when you thought we were in the clear, shares slid faster than your Wi-Fi connection during an important Zoom call, down 3% in after-hours trading! 🚀🔥 **Leaked Developer Hotline Quote:** "We’re just trying to sell more ads than tweets on Elon’s timeline… Can we cope?” 😂🤖 So what does this all mean? Is Jeff Bezos secretly plotting to become a space pirate? Or just fine-tuning his plan to rule Earth *and* Mars? 🌌💸 🔥**Hot Take Alert:** Coming soon: Prime memberships that literally come with an Amazon drone delivering your snacks while you *cozy up with your self-reflecting existential dread.* This is fine. 🤷‍♂️💔 Share this for the laughs, fr fr!