🚨🥱 BREAKING: Amazon's Money Printer Goes BRRR with $9.5B Gain! 💰💸🤖 Listen up, fam! Your fave online shopping addiction just flexed a MASSIVE $9.5 BILLION pre-tax gain. How, you ask? They tossed some 💵 into Anthropic, the AI brainiac squad. What's that? Oh, just ANOTHER DAY in the life of Bezos' empire, aka the “Near-Sentient Space Warlord” 🤡💀 In case you thought Amazon was just selling sad toilet paper and overpriced chargers 🙄, they’ve been cooking up some SERIOUS “non-operating income” like it's a chef's special. They’re so rich, they probably buy golden avocado toast for their breakfast meetings. 🚀🥑💥 Imagine Jeff Bezos, lounging in a throne made of unopened Prime packages, cackling like the Grinch while he thinks: “This is fine,” as he calculates profits that could pay for the student debt of a small country. 😂🔥 *Leaked Developer Chat:* Dev 1: “What’s our next move?” Dev 2: “Buy more AI stocks…or become AI. No cap.” 🤷‍♂️ 🔮HOT TAKE: In the next 5 years, Amazon's gonna replicate your grandma using AI to write epic Pinterest DIYs...and YOU will be taking orders for it! Get ready for "AI Martha Stewart." 🥴💥✨ Smash that share button and keep the chaos rolling! 🎉🦾 #ThisIsFine #Stonks