🚨🦄🛑 STOP THE PRESSES! BREAKING NEWS 💔 Wondery might be going belly-up, but don't panic just yet! Amazon's basically playing the “it’s not you, it’s me” card while likely just 5 seconds away from launching “AMAZON PODCAST PRIME” where you can order a podcast AND get next-day delivery! 💀📦 According to some “insider” sources (who totally weren't just Chad from marketing), “We honestly thought people wanted to hear true crime while ordering toilet paper. Turns out, they prefer drama over delivery 🚚🤡” – real words, real vibes! Like, bruh, who even uses Spotify anymore? #Cringe 🤷‍♂️ So what's Amazon doing? Trying to flex on Spotify and YouTube because they wanna be THAT guy at the party who brings *both* chips and dip while totally misunderstanding social cues. You gotta respect the grind, but fr fr, do they have the sauce? Or are they about to make a “This Is Fine” meme-level move? 🔥💰 Get ready for the next HOT TAKE: In 2024, Amazon will announce they’re merging ALL podcasts into a single true-crime cooking show starring Jeff Bezos. YES, we’ll call it "Chopped & Criminalized." 👨‍🍳🔪💀 Y’all better strap in because Amazon’s about to take us on a wild ride! 🚀😂📈💎💯 *insert stonks meme here*