🚨BREAKING: Alphabet just blasted off to a record high of $299.66!🚀 What is this, the SpaceX of stocks? 0 to 299.66 in like 0.3 seconds? This ain’t just a stock rise; it’s a full-blown Google-level flex! 💪✨ So apparently, Gemini 3 is the new hotness 🤖🔥. Analysts are losing their minds over it while consumers are probably like, "I can’t even get my phone to connect to Wi-Fi, but this AI is serving me stonks 24/7!" 📈💰 LEAKED QUOTE from an imaginary Google dev: "Honestly, we just threw some sparkles on the algorithm and called it a day. The real genius is in the marketing!" Pfft, we see you fam! 😂 Meanwhile, Wall Street be like: “Invest in Alphabet? Bet, but can you also fix my life? 🥴” *Drake pointing meme at stock price like it’s a promise of infinite cat memes and world peace* Prediction time: In 6 months, we’ll all be trading stonks like Pokémon cards, and holding a share of Alphabet will be the new flex at parties. “Yes, I’m an investor and also the proud owner of 1/1,000,000,000th of Google.” 📈💀 Stay tuned, it’s gonna get weirder! #ThisIsFine #GoogleGang