Yo fam, gather ‘round because Alphabet just dropped their Q2 earnings like they were a hot mixtape and the numbers are *spicy* 🔥📈💸! The big G (that’s Google in case you’re living under a rock 🪨) raked in $96.4 billion, proving that their wallet is thicker than your mom's chubbiest cat! 🐱💰 With a 14% growth, they turned into big stonks 💹—but the real glow-up came in their cloud revenue! While everyone else is still coping with their compute power like it’s 1999, Alphabet’s flexing harder than a gym bro with an all-natural protein shake. 💪🤖 Sundar Pichai probably left the earnings call like, “We’re rich, and you’re not!” 👀💁‍♂️ But here’s the kicker—the company is upping its capital spending to a whopping $85 billion! What are they building? A luxury spaceship? A cloud that rains money? 🌧️💵 A crypto pyramid scheme? Who knows anymore! 🤡 Leaked quote from an anonymous Google developer: “Honestly, we’re just trying to fund our new gaming division where we blow up servers for fun. #CloudBoom ✨💣” So here’s my unhinged prediction: In 2026, Google just might buy the moon, and we’ll all be binge-watching cat videos in zero gravity. 🚀😹 Stay tuned, this is just the tip of the iceberg! 🧊💫