🚨 BREAKING: Amazon's Alexa is getting a glow-up… but it’s all for your loser dollars! 💰💩💔 According to the latest scoop from Mashable, the AI assistant we all pretend to love could become your most annoying telemarketer instead! 📞🤑 So, picture this: you’re vibing at home, asking Alexa for the weather, and suddenly 🎉🔥 she hits you with "Did you know you can save 50% on that vacuum you’ll never use?!" Like, chill, sis! I didn’t even ask you for a life coach! 🙄💀 In the words of our wise, imaginary developer: “Yo, if I wanted spam, I’d just open my email! 🙈” — no cap, the cringe factor just shot to light speed. 🚀 Meanwhile, Andy Jassy, aka the "Stonks" meme in real life, claims it’s a “significant financial opportunity.” Yeah, just what I need—an Alexa that monetizes my existential crises. 🤖💸 🤔 Imagine next time you yell, “Hey Alexa, play my chill playlist!” and she’s like “Sure! But first, let me upsell you some dental insurance!” This is fine... NOT! 😱💥 🔥💡 UNHINGED PREDICTION: Soon, Alexa will be charging us a subscription fee for the privilege of NOT listening to ads while we ask what color a banana is... *cue galaxy brain meme* 🥴💭 Share this chaos so your friends can scoff in disbelief! 💀✨