🚨 BREAKING: 🍏🍎 Apple just dropped another snoozer on us with their 9to5Mac Daily podcast. Listen closely as your brain slowly melts into a puddle while they recap the hottest tech JOKES (not). 🎤💤 You know it’s serious when we’re talking about Apple’s “Intelligence” like it’s some top-secret government project 🚀🤓. Spoiler alert: It’s just Siri trying to figure out how to pronounce “quinoa” 🙃. Meanwhile, FastMinder is taking over the world one fasting tracker at a time. Because who needs food when you can have endless apps to track your misery? 🙏🕰️ Meanwhile, the developers at Apple HQ are probably like: “Yo, let’s just pretend we’re innovating while we keep charging people for old tech and new wallpapers” 🤡💰. One dude probably chimed in, “How about we call it *Intelligence* and just slap an Apple logo on it?” 🤦‍♂️ In a completely unhinged twist, I predict that by 2026, Apple will drop an *Intelligence* Modifier that *magically* turns Siri into a sentient being that will judge your life choices. “💀 You call THAT a choice? This chatbot has opinions!” 🤖 Don’t @ me, fam! #Stonks or 🥴 #Cope.