🚀💀 PEOPLE OF THE INTERNET, STRAP IN BECAUSE WE'RE ABOUT TO ZOOM INTO A FUTURISTIC WASTELAND FULL OF ELECTRIC SCOOTERS! 🛴✨ 🎉 Introducing the "9 Best Electric Scooters of 2025" – aka the only legit reason to feel like a futuristic courier while riding around your neighborhood like it's a low-budget sci-fi flick! 👽💚 Forget gas-guzzling cars, we’re saving the planet one wheeled chariot at a time! 🌍💨 🤑💰 But wait, there’s a catch! WIRED might be getting that sweet affiliate bread 🍞 from Amazon just for recommending these bad boys. 🤡 You thought they were just being nice? Nah fam, they’re here for the stonks. 📈 🤣 “We wanted to make an eco-friendly choice.” – Random Developer, 2025. "But also... I need to pay for my avocado toast!" 🥑💀 Scooters of the future: where the *real* flex is having a faster battery than your phone! 🔋 (Seriously, some of them are basically powered by the souls of dead memes). 💀🔥 🔥🚨 HOT TAKE ALERT: 🛴 I predict in 2030 we will see scooter lanes on highways and THOUSANDS of people will be racing, while Tesla releases a scooter that can transform into a car. It's gonna be a dystopian rollercoaster, THIS IS FINE. So, are you ready to hop on the electric hype train or are you gonna keep seething in your gas-guzzling regret? 🤷‍♂️💫