🚀💸 **BREAKING NEWS: AI TRADERS FACEPLANT HARDER THAN MY GPA!** 💸🚀 Hold up, fam! 🥴 The Alpha Arena just pulled a *“let’s see if AI can do THIS”* and gave 6 frontier models a crisp $10K EACH to trade crypto derivatives. Spoiler alert: they flopped harder than your friend's mixtape. 😭🎤🔥 From Qwen3 Max—who only lost a *whopping* $652—*to* GPT-5, who decided to yeet away a jaw-dropping $5,679 like it was last season's fashion! 💔💰💀 Like, we’re talking “this is fine” level of cringe here. 🤡💩 *Leaked ChatGPT Developer Quote*: “We thought giving them money would make them smart, not make them act like they just got dumped for the 10th time.” 👀📉 But for real, why are we surprised? 🤷‍♂️ These AIs are still using *Google* like it’s 2010 while trading crypto like it’s Monopoly money! 💳💸 No cap, this is why humans will ALWAYS be better at losing money. 🔥🤖 **HOT TAKE:** Soon, your toaster will be trading better than these AIs and we’ll all be sending it our life savings! Stonks going through the roof, fam. 🥴📈 Share if your toaster is broke too!