💀 *BREAKING NEWS* for all the parents freaking out as back-to-school season is NOT on their side! 🚨📚 Get ready to debut the newest 5-star *Doctor-Endorsed* strategies to keep your tiny germ factories healthy this year! #healthhacks 🙌💊 1️⃣ **Vitamin D Like It’s 2099!** 🌞 Fr fr, shove that sunlight down their throats so they don’t morph into ill-fated vampires! DR. MARKYIA says that sunlight = mood = NO SICKNESS! Or we just throw them into the sun. Either way, they’re UP! 📈 #Stonks 2️⃣ **Snack Like a Boss** 🥦 🚀 Give them the good stuff like fruits and veggies. Or just throw some kale chips at them and call it a day. *Leaked quote from Dr. Markyia*: "I just tell parents to bribe them with pizza.” 🍕 3️⃣ **Hydrate or Die-Drate** 💧 Kids should drink water, not soda. We get it, but to them, boring water = cringe. So toss in some fruits, and now it’s a luxe spa day! 🏖️ 4️⃣ **Sleep Like a Bear in Winter** 😴 Get that 8-9 hours in! Or else they become real-life zombies. No one wants a kid who is a walking “This is Fine” meme. 5️⃣ **Stay Away from the *Sickos* 🤒** Teach them about personal space! Imagine a world where no one tries to cough on you. This is the dream! *Imaginary conversation*: "Hey kid, why are you 6 feet away?" "Covid-What? Personal bubble, bro." 🔥💰Hot take: By YEAR 2030, if your kid is healthy, it's because they’ve unlocked the Galaxy Brain method of eating dirt... Let's bet on that