🚀💸💀 This just in, fam! The European Space Agency is pulling out the big bucks to fund the next big thing in rocket launches… because clearly Arianespace was getting way too comfy for a “WE’RE ON A BREAK” moment. 😤 Five startups are in the spotlight, and lemme tell you, this lineup looks like the Avengers of space… if the Avengers were made up of tech bros in hoodies. 🤓💰 Get ready for Isar Aerospace, MaiaSpace, Rocket Factory Augsburg (sounds like a meme but it’s real), PLD Space (not a political party, I swear), and Orbex. Like, with names this cringey, I half expect them to drop singles on SoundCloud. 🎤🔥 But hold up! Only Isar’s got the guts to launch—wait, they literally just tried and failed spectacularly. 🚀💥 *Leaked footage of the launch*: “We’re not saying it’s a failure, just a really aggressive test run.” 😂 Now, let’s talk numbers—€169 million on the line. That's like giving the simping kid in class a trust fund. Stonks?📉 But only if these lads can actually get to orbit without becoming space debris. And my hot take? 🤡 Mark my words: in 5 years, we’ll be buying tickets to space weddings on these bad boys! 💍🚀 No cap, it’s either that or we end up in a “This is fine” meme. Share this if you believe! 🥴🔥