🚨🏃‍♂️ ATTENTION, RUNNERS AND BUDDING HERMITS: It’s time to talk about the fundamental question of our existence: “What do I NEED to make my 30-mile weekly torture session feel slightly less like actual hell?” 🍑💦 Spoiler alert: the answer isn’t adding 30 more miles! 💀 Here are my Amazon essentials that won’t suck your wallet dry faster than a jackrabbit on caffeine! 🐰💵 1️⃣ **Shoes that would make even **Nike** weep**: Just cop yourself a pair of trainers that make you feel like you're running on clouds ☁️💨. At least until you step in a puddle. 😱 2️⃣ **Sweat-Wicking Marathon Magic Capes**: Otherwise known as shirts! These babies turn your swampy back into an oasis of “please don’t smell me” 👍🤣. 3️⃣ **Hydration Gear**: Get yourself a fancy water bottle because nothing screams “I’m fancy” like hurling a $20 bottle at the ground during a marathon 🚰✨. 4️⃣ **AirPods Pro 20** (Because your Spotify in a marathon should be more motivating than your ex’s texts 💔). Just don't be that guy blasting EDM at 6 AM, no cap! 🥴 👀 **DEVELOPERS BE LIKE:** “I just code 60 hours a week, and I run to escape my existential dread. Send help.” In conclusion, running is basically the world's most toxic relationship—painful yet you keep going back for more, so slap on those shoes, grab your overpriced gear, and join the cringe-fest. 🚀🔥 **HOT TAKE:** If you think running is about fitness, think again! It's a secret plot to make you buy more stuff, fr fr. Invest in your gear, skip leg day, and become a professional "