🚨🔥 BREAKING (but not really) NEWS ALERT 🚨🔥 Listen up, future TikTok legends! 🎤 Have you ever wondered why your 5-hour dance video of you shaking your smoothie blender in silence has a total of 12 views? *This is fine* 😬✨ Well, I’ve got the sacred, viral secrets that will transform your content from cringe to GOAT status! 🐐💥 👀🔮 So, our boy Jason Gandy over at VidCon 2025 (yes, it’s a thing and yes, he definitely has a cape) dropped some major knowledge on us with his panel called "Hook, Line, and LOL." This man just might be the Yoda of TikTok. He claims the first THREE seconds are the ultimate battleground for eyeballs! 🚀👁️💀 Who needs 5 minutes of content when you can get straight into the drama of your cat falling off the table? But like, here’s the REAL tea: “If you don’t hook them in 3 seconds, you’re basically a tech bro trying to sell overpriced NFTs to grandmas. 🤑💩” - *Leaked says a random TikToker in the audience* 🤔📱 So, if you wanna be *based* and not a *flop*, remember: pacing, humor, and smart edits are your besties! 💁‍♂️💅 👽💭 But real talk? In 2025, TikTok will require a time machine for viewers to go back and watch the first three seconds... just for the vibe check! 😳⏳ Get ready, stonks, we’re going to the moon! 🚀🚀