🎤 Hold onto your laptops, tech fam! The snooze-fest known as TechCrunch Disrupt 2025 is dropping next month in the wilds of Moscone West. 😴💤 Mark your calendars for October 27–29 because if you’re trying to cash in on those big funding goals like it’s the last slice of pizza at a dev meeting 🍕💰, you NEED to know how to secure that later-stage raise. Spoiler: it’s probably not just praying to the blockchain gods. 😂👾 👑 Three venture capital jedis will be spilling the tea on what it REALLY takes to close those major deals. You know: the type of money that makes even Jeff Bezos' forehead wrinkle with envy. 🤡💸 They’ll reveal the secrets of the galaxy, no cap. Expect some galaxy brain moments 💥 and definitely a few “this is fine” memes 🐶🔥 as we learn how to turn “no pot of gold” into “stonks go brrr!” 📈 Leaked quote from a developer: “Honestly, just slap some AI buzzwords on your deck and pray. Works every time!” 🤖😉 🔥 Unhinged Prediction: By 2026, we’ll ALL be pitching to robots and our biggest competition will be ChatGPT with a 5 o’clock shadow. So get ready for a tech apocalypse where venture capitalists replace themselves with AI! Let the cringe begin! 💀👾🚀 #TechCrisis2026