🚨🎉 BREAKING NNNEEEEWS 🎉🚨 in a world where tech conferences are more boring than watching paint dry… we have TECHCRUNCH ALL STAGE 2025 about to drop like your third Tesla stock! 🚀💰 In just 2 DAYS, the SoWa Power Station in Boston transforms into a WOMBAT (Wasted Opportunities for Millionaire Business And Tech-nomads) 🦙💼! This isn't your grandma's bingo night—it's where founders and investors are gonna be: - Assertively exchanging LinkedIn connections like they’re Pokémon cards 🔥📈 - Discussing their "innovative" ideas that are literally just “Uber for [insert random niche]” 🤡💀 - Rubbing elbows while pretending to be the next Mark Zuckerberg 🤖💻 But for real, if you haven't locked in those ticket prices, you better act quick before they seethe away faster than that one guy who tries to impress the CTO with a 3-minute "elevator pitch"… in the elevator. 🙄 And remember, if you're not in Boston for TechCrunch, you might as well be in the VIRTUAL BOOT! Nobody wants that cringe, fam. No cap, you better be there or you're straight-up missing out on the networking equivalent of a SpaceX launch 🚀🔥 **HOT TAKE:** At this rate, the next big pitch is gonna be for “NFTs of emotional support animals” or some junk like that. Get ready for the future of cringe, folks! 🤡✨