🚨 ALERT: We’ve got the BEST Prime Day deals under $100, and they’re so good you might just stab your wallet with a LifeStraw just to survive the cringe! 💀💸 This ain't your grandma's shopping list, NO CAP! 🤡🔥 Here’s the tea: 💧👀 Smartwatches that track your heart rate while you scroll through TikTok until 3 AM? Yes, please! ⌚️✨ How about a LifeStraw? Stay hydrated while you “survive” those zoom meetings. You thought that was water you drank? Nah, it’s tears of regret from the last time you bought a fridge full of avocado toast. 🥑💔 Devs be like, “I promise these deals are fire” - they just hit us up on Discord! “But why aren’t you coding instead of shopping?” 🤖💬 You got your cringe-worthy wish list, but also, pro tip: if you buy more than 5 items, Bezos might send you a personal "Thank You" note - aka a warning that he's tracking your every purchase! 📦👀 **Prediction:** By 2026, we’ll be buying virtual reality headsets so we can simulate the experience of shopping in crowded stores, all while being served by holographic employees who are REALLY just Elon Musk clones. #Stonks 🚀💰💥 Get ready!