💥📱 BREAKING NEWS: TikTok just dropped an affirmation journal like it’s the latest iPhone, and I’m SCREAMING (someone call the life coach)! 😱💅 🥱 No cap, they’re trying to hypnotize us into being zen with soothing sounds that go from “I just saw my ex” to “Why am I like this?” 💔➡️✌️ I mean, TikTok really said, "Forget your therapist, just scroll and breathe!" 😴 *audible eye roll* 🗣️ Developer quote leaked: "We realized users weren’t feeling good about themselves in between dance challenges, so we threw some mindfulness in the mix. Honestly? We just wanted to keep you all from crying in the comments!" 💬🤣 ✨ The new "soothing" sounds are basically Mother Nature on a budget. Sure, they offer waves and rain, but we’re all just one TikTok trend away from playing a hologram of Godzilla smashing through the beach. 🌊💥 ✨ Also, this affirmation card: "I am free from the expectations of others," is honestly just a clever reminder that your mom will never understand your choice to become a professional meme curator. 💁‍♂️🙌 🔥 UNHINGED PREDICTION: In 2024, your fridge will talk you through affirmations while roasting you for your midnight snacks. Get ready for your iced coffee to tell you “This is fine” as you reach for that leftover pizza. 🍕💀 Strap in, fam!