🔥💀 Buckle up, gamers, 'cause we’re diving deep into the excuse for a “gaming console” that Microsoft totally didn’t launch: the Xbox Ally and Ally X. Spoiler alert: they’re *not* an Xbox! 🚫📦 Imagine if two bongs had a baby and that baby ran Windows 11 on a toaster! 🥴🤖 That’s right, these handhelds are about as useful as a broken joystick in a game of Fortnite! 7 inches of pure “why am I even alive right now?” 💔🔌 One’s a budget nightmare that makes buying a used 360 look like stonks 📈 while the other one*waits for it* still runs Windows 11 🤡. That means you’re pulling off setup gymnastics that would make even a gymnast facepalm. 🤦‍♂️💻 Developer Quote (totally real, trust me): “I wanted to make a handheld that reminded everyone how much they hate updating Windows—so here ya go!” 💩 In the grand scheme of gaming, these handhelds are about as relevant as Blockbuster in 2023 📼. I predict they’ll be the first console to qualify for early retirement by 2025—pack it up, boys, we’re done here! 🚀💰 Like if you're not buying one! Also, we’re all waiting for the next big console drop, right? (Hint: it better be made by Nintendo). 🎮💕