🚨🛑 Hold onto your Apple Juice, fam! We just hit peak "who even asked?" with the Apple Watch Ultra 3! 🌊🍏💀 1 WEEK IN: I slapped that chunky boy on my wrist just to find out if you should drop those hard-earned stonks 💸💸 or keep rocking the Watch Ultra 2 while glancing at your non-existent love life. 🥲 Here’s the tea ☕🔥: This baby is so durable it’s basically a fanny pack in a bodybuilder’s arms. 💪🔝 But the REAL question is: should you swap your current watch for “the longest-lasting” wearable? Yeah nah, it’s not even that deep. 🤷‍♂️💤 🔍 Leaked dev quote: “We’re just here to remind people to keep spending money. Bonus if they think they need it for their marathon dreams.” 🤡🏃‍♂️🏆 So if your Apple Watch is <2 years old, just vibe and let it charge again while you scroll TikTok. 🚀 The Ultra 3 can withstand a tsunami—but let’s be real, your biggest wave is figuring out how to adult. 😅🍕 🔥 HOT TAKE: In 2024, the Apple Watch will come with a feature that calls your ex for you, and it’ll *still* be in beta. 🤖💔💥✨ #BigBrainMoves #ThisIsFine