🚨🔥 BREAKING NEWS, FOLKS! 🩺💰 Withings just dropped a **smart thermometer** that *actually* does more than just provide mouth vibes! It’s now the Swiss Army knife of health tech! 🛠️🥵 You ever take a temperature and wonder if your heart's still in the right place? 🤔 Withings said, “Why not check your cardiac AND pulmonary health in under a minute?!?!” 💀 Like, is this thermometer trying to perform surgery too? Who needs a doctor when you have a sleek piece of plastic making you question your life choices? 🤳🤣 *Leaked Developer Quotes:* “Honestly, we were going for a vibe check, but then we ended up diagnosing half the internet… Oops!” - A programmer who’s definitely on their fourth cup of coffee ☕️💁 We’re talking real science here, folks! Those extra health checks are so advanced, they might just end up diagnosing your Tinder date’s personality as "cringe." 🔥🚀 Just imagine your thermometer sliding into your DMs like “Yo, you’re at 100.3°F and also... your heart rate says you’re nervous. Just sayin’.” 😏📉 So what’s next? The “smart” toilet that tells you your blood pressure while cleansing your sins? 🤡👀 Hold onto your butts, ‘cause this is just the beginning! #Stonks 🚀💩 In 5 years? Your thermometer will probably have a dating profile. 🥇💔💯