🚨👀 Hey, Bronx Baddies & Internet Warriors! Let’s talk about your connection – or lack thereof! I know you’re tired of buffering like you’re stuck in 2003! 💩✨ 🥇 CNET has crowned Verizon Fios as the KING of internet for the Bronx, and I’m here for it. Symmetrical speeds? Check. No data caps? Double-check. Five-year price guarantee? That’s longer than most of my relationships! They must be using some CRACKED Wi-Fi wizardry! 🧙‍♂️💻 But hold up! 🛑 If you're the type that gulps down internet like it's free stonks 💰, you might wanna check out Optimum. 🚀 They claim speeds up to 8,000Mbps – sounds crazy, right? Like trying to outrun your college debt! 😂💸 But here's the tea: only some lucky neighborhoods get that juice! It’s like winning the Wi-Fi lottery, except the ticket costs your sanity! 🤡 Developer quote: “Honestly, I just want my streaming to work without buffering. If I can't finish my TikTok at 3x speed, what even is life?” 🤖💀 So here’s my hot take: in 5 years, we'll all be using our brain-computer interfaces, but you still won't get Wi-Fi in the Bronx. That's a fact! 🤯🔥 SHARE if you're ready to break the internet!