🚨💥 BREAKING: The Future of Work or Just Another Zappy Scam?!!! 💥🚨 Introducing the **eCoffee Energyband**—the wristband that literally zaps you awake because, let’s be real, a little electricity is just what you need to keep your 12-hour desk jail stint *lit* 🔥💻. 🚀 Instead of coffee, just put on this shocker and BOOM! You’re ready to code like you're in The Matrix 🤖💽. But here’s the kicker, fam: the internet’s like “Nah, fam. We’re not guinea pigs for the Chinese overlords” 😂😅. Researchers are all like, “Um, this is cringe, can we not?” 🤬 Meanwhile, the bosses be like *Drake pointing*, “Yes please! Profit margins need to stay 🔼, am I right???” 💰**Stonks!** 📈 But let’s be honest, you think this band really keeps you awake? More like zaps away your last ounce of free will. Leaked developer quote: “We just wanted to make sure workers were more productive. Plus, who doesn’t love a little *zap* in the morning?” 💀🙃 🔥🔥🔥 Hot take incoming: in 5 years, every employee will be walking around with a *power grid on their wrist* while sipping on their *electric coffee*. Get ready for the rise of the **Cyber Zombified Workforce**! 🤖💥 This is fine… right? 🤡✨💀