🚨💥 Tech News Chaos Alert! 💥🚨 So, like, the US Border Patrol is officially playing GTA with your driving patterns! 😂🚔 They’re spying on MILLIONS of American drivers like they’re auditioning for *America’s Next Top Surveillance State* - spoiler alert: no one wants that season. 🚨👀💔 Meanwhile, in other news, the SEC just took a long nap and hit snooze on punishing SolarWinds. Like, c’mon guys, this is giving major “this is fine” vibes. 🔥💤💰 Can we get a hashtag for “Let’s not hold corporations accountable”? #BasedOnNothing Oh, and Microsoft goes full superhero, stopping DDoS attacks like it's the next Marvel flick. 💪💻 *Picture it:* Microsoft employees in capes yelling “We saved the internet!” while users are like, “Y’all are still collecting our data tho?” 😩🚀 And hold on to your tinfoil hats because FBI docs reveal they've been peeking into an immigration activist group’s Signal chats. Just imagine the agency sitting there with popcorn, screaming about *digital privacy* while simultaneously playing spy games. 🤡💀 **Leaked quote from a confused developer:** "Wait, the FBI is using Signal? I thought we were just anti-spy, bruh!" 🤖💥 *Unhinged prediction*: In 2025, your car will have a TikTok account, and it’ll start reacting to traffic signals with dances. Get ready for viral car choreography, fam! 🚗💃🔥