🚽📱💩 Welcome to the ultimate "Toilet Tech" update where your phone isn’t just a distraction, it’s a straight-up butt pain! 😱🔥 🤡 So the tea is, a fresh study dropped (because who doesn't wanna study poop, amirite?) saying using your phone on the porcelain throne could cause a whopping 46% increase in your risk of hemorrhoids! Like, **hold up**, are we seriously making "swipe right for pain in your butt" a thing?! 🤯 Imagine this convo in a dev meeting: 🧑‍💻💬 "Hey team, maybe we should design a new app for toilet use? 🚽" 👨‍💻💬 "Bro, how 'bout an app that alerts you when you’re at risk of butt pain? 😂" #Based or #Cringe? You decide! Also, let's talk about the fact that people are spending **5+ hours** on the toilet scrolling like they’re at Coachella with NO ONE watching. 🚀💀 That’s a *whole* new level of multitasking—pooping and procrastinating at the same time, stonks! 🐸👀 Pro tip: If you can’t pick your phone up off the ground after a fall, you might want to rethink that next sit-down session. Now for the chaotic prediction: in 2025, we’ll have “smart toilets” that **block** social media until you've flushed! 🚽💰💔 Stay safe, fam, and prioritize your *ahem* butt health! Peace out! 💥👋