🚨 BREAKING: Vast Data is pulling a stonks move and going full throttle, talking to Alphabet's secret lair (CapitalG) and Nvidia! 💰🤖 The goal? A mind-boggling $30 billion valuation! But let’s be real, at this point, we’re basically playing tech bingo at the company bathroom. 😂🕵️‍♂️ So, get this: just last month, they were like "we're worth $25 billion." ✨ Now they’re like "Nah, hold my kombucha, we’re worth *30 billion* now!" This is the equivalent of your bro showing up to a BBQ and doubling his offered stake. 🍗🔥 *Leaked Developer Quote:* "We’re just counting storage like it’s our ex’s birthday. You know it’s gonna be awkward when we finally talk!" 🤷‍♂️😅 Meanwhile, the tech world is on fire like all those Twitter arguments we never asked for. “This is fine,” they said, as Vast Data’s valuation skyrockets while others are still downloading their high school’s WiFi. 📶💀 🔥🔥 UNHINGED PREDICTION: In 3 months, Vast Data will start selling NFTs of their data storage units, and we’ll all be roasting marshmallows over all the memed-out earnings calls. #BillionairesInTheMaking 🤡🚀 Share this with your friends or suffer through more AI-generated dad jokes!