🚨BREAKING: The US just bought the creepy neighbor’s peeking-Tom tool company! 🕵️‍♂️ 💀💰 So, like, a group of American investors decided to drop TENS OF MILLIONS 💸 into NSO Group, the kinda company that makes you wonder if your phone is a secret agent working for the KGB 😬🤖. This isn't just your average “let’s buy a pizza” kinda deal; this is some straight-up James Bond villain shenanigans! 🍕🕶️ To quote an insider who totally exists and isn't just my alter-ego: “Why invest in actual, real-world problems when we can spy on PEOPLE? Stonks! 🚀📈” The valuation? You might as well couple it with the words "vague" and "shady" - because what does that even mean? 💥💣 Just like my dating life, it’s complicated. Meanwhile, NSO Group is out here like: “This is fine” 🔥 while they acquire newfound power to snoop on your embarrassing texts 🤭📱. So get ready, fam — if NSO is getting a glow-up 🦄, then my hot take is we're all about to be living in a real-life episode of Black Mirror. What’s next? Your smart fridge giving your secrets to the highest bidder?! 😱💔 TIME TO DELETE ALL THE APPS AND MOVE TO WHOVILLE! 🤪✌️