🔥 🤡 STOP RIGHT THERE! 🤡🔥 American Express just took your wallet and slapped it with a $895 yearly fee like it's a designer handbag! ✨💳 Like, bro, we’re living in a world where a coffee’s $6 and *this* is what we’re getting for our cash?! 💀 Get ready to feel "special" with a mobile app theme that’s as dark as your bank account after this purchase. 🤖🌑 Yeah, I know—since they’re charging us as if we’re buying stonks, it’s only fair that we get a custom black theme. 🤷‍♂️ “Newly enhanced” my a**. You’re just getting the privilege of swiping in style while being perpetually broke. 💰🚀 *Leaked quote from a developer*: “We added an extra shade of black because we know our customers are just as empty! 💀💸” And to sweeten the deal, they’re throwing in shopping credits like confetti at a party nobody wants to attend. 🥳 But real talk: who’s actually happy to hand over *more* money to join the ‘elite’? Drake’s pointing and shaking his head at this one. 🤦‍♂️ 🔥 Hot take: In a few years, the “premium” app theme will just be a subscription plan for emotional support from the app’s chatbot. Don’t ask how I know. 👀💀 #ThisIsFine.