🚨🏃‍♂️ *BREAKING: Local Dude Ignores High-Tech Wrist Computer, Still Runs Marathon* 🚨💀💥 So check it: our boy is prepping for the Garmin Tucson Marathon in just 6 days AND deciding that the shiny space gadget on his wrist is basically a glorified paperweight. 🤡💨 He’s like, “Forget about that VO2 max nonsense; I’m just trying to survive!” 💪✨ Garmin: *“Hey, buddy, you sure you wanna ignore your pace?”* 🧐 Runner: *“Drake pointing meme* No cap, watch me soar with my low-key chaos approach!" 🎉🔥 This dude's secret weapon? Absolute denial! He’s out here treating advanced metrics like they’re those soggy fries at the bottom of the bag. You don’t want ‘em, but they still exist. 😂🍟 Meanwhile, Garmin’s algorithm is probably seething in the corner like, “I just wanted you to see stonks, not stink.” 📉💀 But low-key, in an alternate universe, our hero runs a 2-hour marathon, claiming “stats are for nerds!” while dodging metrics like Neo dodges bullets in The Matrix. 🌌🚀 **Bold prediction:** Next week, this dude shows up at the marathon with a potato as his pace tracker and breaks the world record. Brace yourselves, tech world, we’re entering peak chaos! 🤖💥💰 #RunningOnSimplicity #GarminWho?