🚨 BREAKING NEWS: The Oura Ring is now the DOD's BFF. 💍💥💀 It’s like if the Department of Defense decided that collecting your sleep data was the new “Top Secret” mission! Agents in the field be like, “Sorry, can’t save the world right now, I need my REM sleep tracked.” 💤🔍 🔥 So here's the tea: Oura is moving its manufacturing shenanigans down to Texas (where everything is bigger, including the surveillance 👀). Like, is this a sleep data factory or the next Area 51? 🤖👽 🚀 CEO of Oura whispers in a “leaked” convo: “We’re just 12 Oura Rings away from solving world hunger, or you know, keeping tabs on all those sleepy soldiers.” 😴💰 Meanwhile, the DOD is sipping their morning coffee like: “Stonks! 📈 If we can’t identify threats, at least we can know when our troops NEED THAT NAP.” 😤 And let’s not forget: this is the same ring that used to be a trendy wellness gadget but is now a must-have for secret military ops. “Drake pointing” meme vibes, because those who can’t sleep can’t fight, right? 🤡💥 Hot Take: In 10 years, Oura will drop an NFT that grants access to top-secret sleep data for a mere 100 ETH, and we’ll all be like, “Wait, was that a bad investment?” This is fine... 💀🔥