🚨👀 BREAKING NEWS: Tech billionaires are now official MUDFLAP agents for the U.S. military! 💰⚔️ Can we get a round of applause for Steve Jobs' ghost pulling some strings?? 👻🙏 So yesterday, our favorite *former* president, Donald "Bigly" Trump, decided to do some military cosplay in San Francisco. He was all like “SOLDIER ON!”, but his billionaire buddies were like, “Bro, chill. San Francisco is NOT a Battlefield 2042 map!” 😂💀 Allegedly, Jensen Huang from Nvidia and Marc Benioff from Salesforce were texting Trump with the vibes of “Dude, let’s just vibe and not bring the *MILITARY*”. (Imagine these dudes playing Valorant instead of plotting coups—priceless🤡) Let’s be real here: these tech titans are trying to turn “San Fran” into *Silicon Sorrow*—where the only “surge” we need is in video game sales, not on the streets! 🙈🎮 But what's next? 👀 Are they gonna launch a new app called "Crumble Control" to manage city riots? 🚀💼 Imagine a subscription service that lets you “swoop” on the latest city chaos, like “City Surges™” for just $9.99/month. The stonks are gonna go BOOM! 💥💸 🔥 HOT TAKE: In 2025, we'll all be living in AR goggles watching the second Civil War like it’s some Wild West VR movie, and you'll have to pay extra to join the “Good Fight”. Cope or seethe, fam! 🌀💁‍♂️ #TechIsWild #FuturistMadness