🚨💰💀 *BREAKING NEWS: JPMorgan is apparently asking fintechs to “pay up or shut up” for data access.* 💰💀🚨 So, like, JPMorgan just went full villain mode. They’re charging fintechs for data, and guess what? Some startups are about to see their revenues dive harder than my self-esteem at a networking event 👀📉. We’re talking a potential 60% to 100% annual revenue loss! 😱📉💔 #Yikes In the thriving metropolis of "not a business model" land, these startups are losing their minds like they just saw their Drake fan page get taken down. One developer reportedly screamed: “We put the FUN in funding—now we can’t even afford rent!” 🤡💸 Meanwhile, financial data is turning into the hottest commodity since sliced bread. If only these fintechs could sell their souls for crypto instead! 🤖🔥 What’s next? A black market for Excel spreadsheets? 🤔💻 💡 Imagine saying “no stonks” to JPMorgan and still breathing. 🤣 Here's the kicker: by 2025, we’re all going to be trading digital livestock instead of stocks, just to bypass these clowns. 🐮💳 TL;DR: This is fine. Just grab your tinfoil hats, folks—financial apocalypse incoming. 🚀💥 #FintechFiasco