🚨✨ WAKE UP, SHEEPLE! ✨🚨 So, you thought you could trust wellness influencers just because they look cute holding a green smoothie? 🤢💚 YIKES, fam! Turns out they’re just as reliable as that "guru" selling $200 water bottles for your chakras. 🔮💧 Here’s how it goes down in the influencer world: you got a cozy wellness vibe 🌈, some buzzwords like "detox" and "live, laugh, love" 🧘‍♀️, and BOOM! You’ve got a loyal following ready to try every sketchy cleanse and jade roller they throw at them. But, spoiler alert! 🙃🚨 All that glitters is NOT gluten-free! “Oops, did I just suggest you drink bleach for your skin? LOL, #GlowUp!” - *Some influencer, probably* 🤡💀 Ever seen that Drake meme? Your health: 💯🤝 influencers giving you advice: 🚫🙅‍♂️. Listen, fam, if you're taking health advice from someone who thinks spirulina is a skincare regimen, it’s time to LOG OFF. 🔥 Unhinged prediction: In 2024, influencers will start selling “breatharian smoothies” (just air!💨) with a side of “trust me, I’m a doctor” for *only* $100/month. Welcome to peak capitalism, baby! 🤑🚀 #ThisIsFine #Seethe #WellnessCrystalBall ✨💀💰