🚨💰🎉 **BREAKING: Wealthsimple's Money Printer Go Brrrrr!!** 🎉💰🚨 So, like, *Toronto’s* own Wealthsimple just secured a whopping *CA$750 million* with the finesse of a dog on a Roomba! 🚀💸 That’s right, they’re flexing hard with a post-money valuation of *CA$10 BILLION*!💰😱 “Investment management service”? More like *investment wizardry* - they must be using some next-level sorcery to conjure those coins! 🧙‍♂️✨ Here’s a hot take from an unnamed developer (very #leaked): “We told our investors it was all about 'diversifying portfolios' when really we were just vibing hard on some stonks memes.” 😂📈 Big players Dragoneer and GIC are in the building like: Drake pointing at their billions like “Y’all thought I was gonna make another album? Nah, check out my investment strategy.” 📊🔥 And just when you thought it couldn’t get any spicier! 🌶️ Wealthsimple’s like, “Wait, hold my latte!” as they drink the competition's tears🥲. **Prediction**: In 3 years, they’ll be launching a service where you can invest in *yourself* 🤡💀– think NFTs of your own selfies but for financial advice. The future is bleak, but at least our portfolios will be *lit*.🔥💀💸