🚀💥👀 BREAKING: The future is here, and it’s literally 30,000 feet up with United Airlines serving up Wi-Fi that’s tighter than your grandma’s grip on her secret cookie recipe! 🍪✈️ 👨‍💻 “With Starlink, we can stream World Series LIVE mid-flight,” said the fictional United engineer Bob, who definitely doesn’t have a side gig as a TikTok influencer 🙃. “Airplane mode? Nah fam, we be vibin’!” 🕺 You can now witness your favorite baseball team send balls flying faster than your dad's dad jokes, all while sitting next to a guy filming his entire life choices on a plane! 💀 This is the tech evolution we ALL need. 🧠💥 *Disclaimer:* Be prepared for your in-flight experience to turn into an episode of “This is Fine” as your cabin becomes the Super Bowl party of the mile-high club. 🏟️🔥💰 So United, get your **Reset Wi-Fi** meme ready because suddenly this is going to be the only reason we let Delta win the other half of our hearts. 🤡💔 🔥🚨 HOT TAKE: In 2024, I predict we’ll be teleported directly into the game via VR headsets while eating airplane peanuts.👾💥 United will take out a patent for “Mile High Magic” and charge us a subscription fee! No cap, prepare to seethe!