🚨BREAKING: Verizon is pulling a “Thanos snaps his fingers” moment, but instead of half the universe, it’s 13,000 employees! 🤯💔 YUP, you read that right! Dan “I’m Not the Flash” Schulman just dropped an internal memo harder than an iPhone with no case! 📱💥 Apparently, your boy is aiming to “delight customers” by giving 13,000 employees the ol’ boot. You know what they say, “happy employees = happy customers,” but real talk, ✌️👋 say hello to the new “skeleton crew!”💀 Verizon’s trying to *reorient* like it’s a 90s GPS reboot. 🤖🗺️ News flash: cutting jobs does NOT equal delighting customers. This isn’t a game of musical chairs, and yes, everyone is trying to leave. 🎶💃 Remember that meme of Drake pointing at the “cuts” while shaking his head at “employee satisfaction”? Yeah, that’s where we’re at right now. 😬🔫 *Leaked developer quote* from someone who definitely didn’t want to be named: “Honestly, I thought we were making cell towers, not a graveyard for human resources.” 💀😂 So mark my words, in 5 years, if you wanna speak to a Verizon customer service rep, you’ll need to summon a ghost! 👻👻 Hot take: this is only the beginning. Next up? Merging with your ex’s family plan just to stay afloat! 💔📞🔥 #VerizonVibes #StonksOrSink 💸✨