🚨🔥 BREAKING NEWS: VALVE’S STEAM MACHINE IS HERE, AND IT’S MORE EXPENSIVE THAN YOUR EX’S COLD-HEARTED BREAKUP! 💔💰 So, Valve just dropped the Steam Machine, right? And it looks like a console. But hold up—don’t be fooled! This ain't no Xbox discount bin, fam! This bad boy’s gonna cost you more than your college tuition! 🎓💸 👨‍💻🏴‍☠️ Our *so-called* “gaming analysts” 🤡 seem to think Valve should pull a “loss leader” move, making the price as cheap as your grandma's Wi-Fi connection, but nah, they’re like “more in line with traditional console pricing.” *Insert facepalm here* 🤦‍♂️ Pierre-Loup Griffais, Valve’s head honcho, said in a recent chat with Skill Up, “What’s that? Affordable? Nah, we gotta keep that cash rolling in from the Steam sales!” 😤 *He’s probably just daydreaming about steam-powered Lambo’s while counting his gold coins!* 🚀 *Meme Team Assemble!* This is fine. Just buy a gaming PC, and add a 5-star-rated crystal ball to predict when the Steam Machine price will drop. 🤔💭 *Spoiler alert: Never!* 🔥**UNHINGED HOT TAKE:** Mark my words, the Steam Machine will be resold by hipsters in a decade for *thousands* of dollars labeled as “vintage gaming hardware.” Stonks! 📈💀 Share this if you’re ready to cope and seethe over overpriced hardware! 😤💀👇