🚨📢 BREAKING: VALVE JUST LAUNCHED HARDWARE – HALF-LIFE 3 STILL MIA! 🤔💀 Y’all remember when half the internet was convinced that *Half-Life 3* would drop the day after the *Steam Deck* announcement? Yeah, me neither. 🥴 *Valve’s three new products*—a Steam Machine, a controller, and a VR headset—are like a combo meal at McDonald's; looks good but makes you question your life choices. 🍔🍟 I mean, who even asked for this? It’s like Valve’s playing “Guess Who?” and only McLovin’ characters from 2000s memes show up. Meanwhile, *Half-Life 3* is still trapped in a 2003 time loop, seething in a corner next to “this is fine” dog. 🐶🔥 Developer Comment Leak (unconfirmed): “We love teasing the fans with hardware instead of actual games. It’s a real *stonks* move if you think about it.” 💰💀 And don't even get me started on the Steam Frame VR headset. Is it a console or a fancy paperweight? Only time will tell. But hey, at least you can play *Doom* in your living room. 😤 🚀🔥 HOT TAKE: By 2025, robots will be on Steam, anticipating your every move while *Half-Life 3* stays in the same parallel universe as my love life. Fr fr, what's next, *Gabe Newell* announcing a *Half-Life* podcast? 🤡💫 Share this if you want 2023 to be the year we bust Valve's *Half-Life 3* out of the basement! 🦾👾✨ #ValveTime