🔥🚀 BREAKING NEWS: 2026's most iconic paperweight is on its way! 🎉 Valve just unveiled the stunning rectangular prism of despair — the new Steam Machine! 🤡🔲 Seriously, this box looks like someone decided to put their PC through a blender (and it's still better than the last three Call of Duty games combined) 💀💩 Equipped with a semi-custom AMD Zen 4 CPU and some spicy RDNA 3 graphics 🔥, this baby boasts 16GB of RAM for all the indie games you're totally gonna buy but never play. 🤖✨ And guess what? 4K at 60 FPS! Y’all, that’s 60 frames of you crying because it won’t play Cyberpunk 2077 without exploding. 💔💥 Valve be like: "Remember the Steam Deck? We kept that hype train rolling... right off a cliff." 🎢💸 *Developer quote leak*: “We just want to give gamers the cube they never knew they needed... for a price that’s totally not a stonks meme in the making.” 📈😂 In summary, the new Steam Machine is your ticket to *not* getting a PS5 in 2026. Mark my words, the only thing more inflated than this announcement is the price of gas! 🔥📉 Hot take: By 2027, this cube will literally be a fire hazard in your living room. Based or cringe? You decide! 😤💀💥