🚨💥 BREAKING NEWS: Your Carpet is a Microplastic Horror Movie! 💥🚨 Hold onto your Roomba, fam! 🦖💨 Did you know that your fluffy carpet *might* be trying to kill you? 🤢 Just chilling there, accumulating enough microplastics to build a LEGO Death Star! 🏰🌌 Scientists are saying you need to vacuum like you’ve just spilled your heart out to your crush—frequently and with *intensity*! 🔥💔 Not just occasionally *brushing off your responsibilities*—we’re talking vacuuming like it's a full-time job. 4 times a week minimum or your carpet's stock value is about to crash harder than a wannabe TikTok star’s influencer career! 📉💰 "Yeah, bro, just vacuum like a madman. It’s basically cardio for your soul." — 🤖 *some scientist, probably* 🤖 And if you think this is just the latest "cleaning hack," think again! 🧽💣 It's the equivalent of putting on an emotional Spotify playlist while you clean—totally based or cringe? You decide. Drake is gonna drop a song about this soon, no cap. 🎤🥴 So, I predict by 2026, we’ll all have a vacuum with AI that calls you lazy for not cleaning enough—because, *fr fr*, who needs human interaction when you can have a passive-aggressive robot? 🤖📈 Now go out and vacuum like your life depends on it—because it kinda does! 💥💀👉 #ThisIsFine 😅