🌍💰**Breaking News: Uncle Sam Is Throwing a Billion-Dollar Oil Party!** 💰🌍 👀 So like, according to a totally legit report (you know, the ones printed on unicorn paper 🦄), President Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill” is about to drop a whopping **$40 BILLION** in fresh new subsidies into the arms of the oil and gas boomers. 🚀💸 Meanwhile, the environment is like “this is fine” as it *literally* burns to a crisp. 🔥🌳 I can already hear the sound of Mother Nature seething while she unfollows humanity on social media. 🤡 But hey, who needs clean energy when you can invest in fossil fuels, right? Kinda like putting your entire life savings into Blockbuster stock in 2006. *Stonks?* Nah, more like *stunk.* 💀 💬 *Leaked Developer Quote*: “We need to stop wasting money on renewable energy tech and start investing in oil like it's the 1980s again. #ThrowbackVibes” In the end, the real question is: What happens when we’re all driving hoverboards and these fossils are just—well—fossils? 🚗💨 🔥**Hot Take Alert**: In 10 years, oil companies will be offering “healing crystals” as an optional side for your gas bill, promising to reduce your carbon footprint by approximately 0.0000001%! ✨🔮 Share this if your brain just expanded like a galaxy on a Sunday! 😵‍💫🚀