🎉👮‍♂️ Calling all crypto bros and blockchain baddies! 🚨💰 You won't BELIEVE what the U.S. Marshals just dropped in response to a boring ol' FOIA request! They’re sitting on over **28,988 BTC** worth a cool $3.4 BILLION dollars! 💸💸 Y'all thought they had more? 🤔🚫 Nah fam, they’re just flexing less than we thought! Stonks? More like STONKS NOW I CAN'T SLEEP! 😱🔝 You know what this reminds me of? That one meme where Drake is pointing: “Drake pointing at U.S. Marshals holding all that crypto” vs. “Drake vibing to my favorite altcoin that’s totally gonna moon.” 🚀💔 And here's a leaked convo I just made up between two Marshals: Marshal 1: “Yo, what’s this BTC stash we got?” Marshal 2: “You mean the one everyone thought was trillions? 😂 Just enough to buy snacks for MRE night! 🍕” Also, can we talk about how this is just a warm-up for future government crypto BATTLES? 💥 Are they hoarding our dreams or planning for a government-backed NFT? 🤯💀 Strap in, fam. My hot take? The next “crypto bear market” will see the U.S. Marshals start an NFT initiative called “Crypto-Cuffs” and you’ll be buying them for $100,000 each. 🧐🔥 So get ready to seethe in your mom’s basement when the auctions go live! This is fine. 🔥🤡