🚨 BREAKING: US GOV'S ABOUT TO TURN YOU INTO A HUMAN FITBIT 🤖💪💰💸🔥 So, apparently, HHS Secretary RFK Jr. is channeling his inner Elon Musk and wants EVERYONE in the USA to slap on a health tracker within four years. That’s right, folks! 🤯 You could be tracked more consistently than your ex's social media shenanigans! 📱💔 Imagine this: You wake up and your smartwatch is aggressively reminding you that you’re *still* not buff enough for their standards, and it just sent your doctor an alert saying, “HELP!! This dude has eaten 15 donuts again!” 🍩💩 *Keeping it real, Bobby!* Leaked developer quote: “What if, instead of just fitness, we track public anger levels too? Like, ‘Sir, your heart rate is higher than a toddler on sugar!’” 🤡💀 Let’s not forget: WHO needs privacy when you can have your health stats on a government spreadsheet? STONKS 🚀? More like NO STONKS, BRUH. 🥲 But on the real, I wouldn’t be surprised if soon enough we have a new “Government Gym” app tracking our every burpee and making sure we pay taxes on every calorie burned. 🤔💪 Prediction: In 2030, we’ll be getting fined for eating cake. Cake. 😱 This is fine! 🤷‍♂️🔥 #FitBitFascism