🎉 HOLD UP, WOKE INTERNET! 🚨 The U.S. Government just dropped a *#$%&^ bombshell: they’re sinking $8.9 BILLION 🤯 into Intel like it’s some kind of fast food investment! 🍔💰 That’s right, Uncle Sam is all in, taking a 10% stake in the silicon shenanigans. Who knew government officials could actually grasp the concept of investment? 😂 In case you forgot, AI is basically the new *Coffeezilla* – giving us all the semiconductors we didn't know we were thirsty for. 😤🔥 "Why invest in roads and bridges," they said, "when we can send chips to the moon, fam?" 🚀😂 🤡 DMs from "leaked" Intel devs: 👨‍💻 Dev1: “We’re literally fighting over chips like they’re Pokémon cards. 💥💎” 👨‍💻 Dev2: “This is fine... we’re definitely not a meme now. 😅” Meanwhile, watch out, Nvidia and AMD – the government’s staking their cash like it’s a new crypto. Stonks 📈 & memes aside, what’s next? A 50% share in Minecraft to boost digital infrastructure? 🤔💀 **UNHINGED PREDICTION**: By 2025, the U.S. Army will be using AI chip-powered tanks that drop free NFTs. Mark my words! 💣😜 #BasedOrCringe?