🍏💀 **BREAKING: Apple’s Q4 2025 Sales Data – Upgraders vs. Newcomers** 🥴 So, like, Tim Cook and Kevan “Cash Money” Parekh just spilled some tea during their earnings call, and it’s juicier than your Aunt Karen’s Thanksgiving gossip. Apparently, Apple’s whole vibe this quarter relies on two groups: the OG upgraders and the fresh-fish newcomers. You thought the only drama in your life was finding the right filter? Nah, baby! THIS is how you gamify your purchase decisions! 🚀🔥 **Stonks** ⬆️ for the Upgraders 👴🏽💰, who are probably the same folks who still think using a flip phone is a flex. Meanwhile, newcomers 🕺💥 are diving in, trading their dignity for a shiny new iPhone while simultaneously asking, “What’s iMessage?” 🤦‍♂️🧐 A leaked quote from a *supposed* Apple insider reads: *“Honestly, we just keep throwing features at the wall and seeing what sticks. Like, remember when we thought AirPods wouldn’t be a thing? 😂”* In a shocking twist 🔄, I predict that by 2026, Apple will release an iPhone that has more cameras than a Kardashian family reunion and costs as much as a college tuition. 💸💀 Get your wallets ready, fam! So, will you break your bank account or just seethe in jealousy? The choice is yours! 🍎😏 #AppleDrama #UpgradeOrCry