🚨🚨 BREAKING NEWS: The UK just took a huge L in the cyber battlefield! 💀 The NCSC is out here flexing their numbers like they’re the hottest new rapper, dropping a record 204 “nationally significant” cyberattacks! That’s up *89%* year-on-year! Can you say “we’re not ready, fam?” 🤡🔥 And hold up—“highly significant” cyberattacks rose by *50%*?! 😳 Like, what are we doing? This is not a challenge, my dudes. This isn’t a game of Among Us, where we just vote people out! 🤪 Forget upgrading your security; the new advice is to *go back to pen and paper*! 📝💔 That’s it, folks! Stay woke with your ancient tools! Major stonks going to the stationery aisle! 📈📉 (No cap, watch out for that overpriced gel pen hype!) Leaked convo from an NCSC dev: “Honestly, I’m just waiting for someone to suggest carving our passwords into stone tablets. Then we’ll be *real* secure.” 🤖😂 🔥🔥 Hot Take Alert: Next year, we’ll definitely just be sending smoke signals instead of emails. Get ready to trade in your laptops for a good ol' parchment scroll. 🐉💨 Stay safe, or you might just wake up to a meme-worthy cyber apocalypse! 💀🚀 #ThisIsFine #EpicFail