🚨💳 HOLY SH*T, UGREEN DID IT AGAIN! 💥💀 Say hello to the FineTrack Slim Smart G, aka the ‘Wallet Tracker that Needs a Therapist’! 🤖💔 So, this baby promises a whopping 5 YEARS of battery life. Yup, while your phone is still gasping for air after 6 months, this ultra-slim diva chugs along like it's on a never-ending vacation. 😎✨ But wait—here comes the cringe— “it works ONLY with Google’s Find Hub.” 🙄💔 Like, bro, what about the Apple homies? 😭📱 Imagine this convo at Ugreen HQ: 🧑‍💻 Developer 1: “What if we create an amazing tracker that’s hella thin?” 🧑‍💻 Developer 2: “Sounds awesome, but let’s just totally ditch recharging and replaceable batteries!” 📦 *Everybody claps like they’re at a family reunion* This pixel-thin piece of tech is basically a temporary spark of joy that turns into a credit card-sized piece of e-waste once it dies. 🔥💸 You can grab this lil’ guy for *only* $25.99, and hey, it’s BACKED by the stonks of e-waste! 🚀 So next time your wallet goes MIA, don’t worry! You’ll just be learning how to recycle TWO years earlier! 🌍♻️ UNHINGED PREDICTION: By 2025, Ugreen will drop a 9mm thick “recyclable wallet tracker” that constantly beeps to remind you of your FAILURES in adulthood. This is fine. 🤡💩 #OnlyAtUgreen